Emotions R Us, DrBev points out narcissist mothers as one of the white elephants standing in the middle of the emotional room. What? Do not hate the player (child) hate the game(s) you as a mother are playing with your children. WHAT!!! Parents your behaviors are emotional abuse. Adult children of dysfunctional families often times cannot release the guilt they feel because they never knew there was a word to attach to their female care-givers behaviors. That word for your mothers’ behavior, ‘Narcissist’, one who never wants to hear, nor does she understand the word ‘No’ in any form.
When, Oprah saw the movie ‘Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire’ just before it debuted to raves at the Sundance Film Festival, where it went on to win the competition’s coveted Grand Jury Prize, as well as the Audience Award and the Special Jury Prize for Acting (for Mo’nique) … and she was utterly blown away, she said.
DrBev gives the narcissist mother award to Mo’nique with high-props to her acting skills for her performance of visually presenting emotionally what is referred to as the twin cruelties parentification and infantalisation. Which is where she (Mo’nique) attempts to get her daughter, Precious, to parent her, all the while attempting to make her daughter, Precious, dependent on her at the same time.
There are many movies aboutvictims of malignant narcissists who suffer for years without having a single other human being who understands. Remember ‘Mommy Dearest’, Betty Davis, it may be helpful just to see how prevalent these dysfunctional behaviors are and the various forms of emotional violence. Also, movies show how others have dealt with a narcissist parent and the consequences it has had in their lives.
One of Narcissistic mothers’ favorite tricks is invalidation, including a particularly nice/nasty and insidious form of invalidation called gaslighting, which is a subtle form of abuse that causes the victim (child/adult child) to question their own sense of reality. No matter what emotions or memories you bring up, they will (Mother/Father) dismiss them. They are emotional vampires, feeding off yours and others’ tragedies, and always dismiss or otherwise ruin your successes and celebrations. They master forms of abuse, such as forcing their children into the Golden Child or Scapegoat roles, by being a Bully.
Moreover, the emotional abused adult children are left with confused anxiety feelings and abandonment that carry-over into their intimate relationships and inner-psychological thought processes, perceptions and feelings of self-love and their personal Worth. The daughters are socially taught the behaviors are about others, such as wives, girl-friends, friends, but never their own mother. For sons it’s a double whammy, but that’s another blog all together.
To discover that what they went through, endured with their mother has a name, not only a name but two distinct categories. Wow!!! The two categories are Engulfing mothers who see no boundaries between themselves and their daughters, and Ignoring motherswho don’t necessarily even see their daughters, and don’t care. Both categories are enormously dysfunctional and emotionally damaging.
DrBev encourages you to learn to recognize the hallmarks of unhealthy narcissism which are Shamelessness, Magical Thinking, Arrogance, Envy, Entitlement, Exploitation, Bad Boundaries — and to understand the roles that parenting and culture continue play in the name of mothers and female care-givers to keep them in their place. DrBev believes that knowledge and education about your emotions and how your emotional state relates to where you are in the here and now will take you to your next level of possibilities and third options of what you can do for you, now. Be kind to yourself in thoughts, words and actions.
Furthermore, given freely in this blog are informational links for further knowledge and self-exploration. As always I am here for you. DrBev will give a free consultation for those that request to discuss this topic further, by your commenting and sharing your views on this topic as it relates to you at the end of this blog and sign-in and join ‘In DrBev’s World’ to receive free updates.
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