Have you been torn away from your mother at birth and put into the nursery, given up for adoption or been left in foster care, been physically or sexually abused, been unseen or misunderstood by parents or other caregivers, been lied to, been unprotected by a parent or caregivers, been teased or left out with siblings or peers, been left at a young age to care of yourself, a parent, or other siblings?
A “core abandonment issue” is the earliest abandonment event that you can remember as a young child. This event caused you to have feelings of abandonment that have affected your self-esteem, ability to bond, trust, and love yourself or others. This event can be resolved presently or it can still be unresolved.
Everyday there are people who feel as if life itself has left them on a doorstep or thrown them away. Abandonment is about loss of love itself that crucial loss of connectedness. It often involves breakup, betrayal, and aloneness. People struggling with abandonment issues include those going through the ending of a relationship as well as searching adoptees, recently widowed, and those suffering the woundedness of earlier childhood disconnections. This blog is NOT about blaming your parents or caregivers – it’s about the acknowledgment of what happened so you can heal the original pain, stop the cycle, and live a happier life.
When you are deeply wounded at a young age, you cannot handle the pain, so you find ways to dissociate (leave our body-mentally) from the intense feelings. Then, later in life, especially when you fall in love, these old wounds can get activated. Our beloved gets angry, withdraws, gives attention to someone else, says mean-nice-nasty things, does not tell the truth, does not stand up for you, comes home late, misunderstands you, and so on – suddenly the pain that has been pushed aside, swallowed down, or denied all these years comes roaring to the surface. You think that you are reacting to the present situation, but what is really happening is that the old, unhealed abandoment wound has been touched off.
You might find yourself suddenly enraged or fall apart with intense tears. Your reaction seems too big for the situation, yet you cannot seem to stop the inner pain. Whatever you do please do not seek help from the person(s) who activated your abandonment wound. They may still be stuck in their own wounded place, the place that touched off your wound.
When you have abandonment issues it makes it really difficult to have lasting relationships with lovers, partners or friends. Going through
life without healthy loving relationships is sad…depressing. The reality is that fear and insecurity become the reality you live; your negative, self-hating and self-fulfilling prophesy continues to be your truth. What makes your life at home, work or with friends worse is that fear of abandonment can create a pattern where you attract those who will abandon you. Or you push others away, thus abandoning them.
Check out the video below for visual information: