Therapeutic Thursday….’Sex and Emotions’ Signs you are Not Ready for Sex

Sex is not just a physical act to relive sexual tension. Having sex can cause very strong emotions. Sometimes a teenager may only realize this after having sex. It is for this reason that teenagers should carefully think about the consequences of having sex well before they actually do it. Sexual intercourse is the most intimate thing that two people can do. When having sex, it is said that two bodies become one. Sex can cause strong feelings for both people; and females will most likely feel this strongest.

A female teen should carefully think about the possibility of having sex, because once she does, it can not be erased. If her partner is not mature enough to handle the emotions that will occur, she may find she will dearly regret her decision. Sex can lead a person to feel that they are in love, or it can make the feelings of love stronger; a person should be sure a relationship is lasting before having sex. A person should be sure that they can handle the emotions of sex and the responsibilities of sex before they have intercourse. Sex can be a wonderful thing; but there is no rush.

The decision to have sex is a big decision and should not be a decision that is entered into lightly. The question am I ready to have sex is a question that almost everyone asks themselves at some point in their lives. Unfortunately, not many people will be able to answer it with a definite “yes or no.” You are the only person who knows if you are truly ready to have sex. But, here are some questions that will hopefully help you work it out:

  1. Are you having sex because YOU want to have sex? If you are feeling pressure to have sex from your partner or friends then, please don’t have sex.
  2. Do I know my partner well enough? If you don’t trust your partner then, you shouldn’t have sex with them. In addition, if you have never kissed the person that you are with, then you are definitely not ready to have sex with them. Moreover, sex can leave you vulnerable afterwards in a way that you are not prepared for, so it is better to be with someone who you know is likely to be sticking around for a while or for the long haul. Usually, you will have better sex with someone you know really well and are comfortable with, and sex will be best with someone you love.
  3. Can I talk to my partner about this easily? If you can’t talk about sex, then you are not ready to have sex. It is as simple as that. Honesty about how you are feeling will make it easier for both of you and it will make sex better in the future.
  4. Do I know enough about sex?
  5. Do we both want to have sex? You may decide that you are ready to have sex but your partner might not be ready to have sex, even if they have had sexual partners before. It is very important to know that for sex to work, you both have to want to do it. Don’t ever pressure anyone to have sex if their not sure; this is very wrong and it will cost you your partner’s respect and the respect of other people. Here is how to know when someone isn’t ready to have sex.
  6. Ask your partner. This is the simplest way to find out if they wish to go “all of the way.”
  7. Read your partners body language. If they are moving away from you or trying to leave, then STOP! However, if they are warming up to you then, they probably do want to have sex.
  8. Listen to the tone of their voice.
  9. Always use common sense.
  10. Some people want to have sex after a first date and some people want to have sex only after they get married. Everybody is different so it is very important to know what you and your partner wants.
  11. You only lose your virginity once. Your partner might not be as eager to lose theirs as you are.
  12. Always remember, NO means NO!
  13. Good luck, have fun, and stay safe.


DrBev is a National Certified Counselor, Licensed Mental Health Counselor, and a Certified Gestalt Psychotherapist, Seminar - WorkShop Facilitator, Radio Personality, Author and President and Educational Director of DrBev Mental Health Counseling.
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