People who feel insecure about their attachments to others might be at higher risk for cardiovascular problems than those who feel secure in their relationships, according to a new study published by the American Psychological Association. Participants rated themselves on three attachment styles – secure, avoidant, and anxious. Secure attachment refers to feeling able to get close to others and being willing to have others depend on you. Avoidant attachment refers to difficulty getting close to others and trusting others. Anxious attachment refers to the tendency to worry about rejection, feel needy and find others are reluctant to get close to you.
The Most Important Step to Overcoming Rejection:
Rejection creates a feeling of being unwanted which then reduces self esteem. The more intimate the relationship in which rejection is experienced, the greater the damage done, and the more challenging it can be to overcome the effects. Although rejection may occur in entirely different spheres of human relationships, it generally conveys the same messages of non-acceptance such as: There is something wrong with you; You are disliked; You will never change; You do not belong in this group; You are at fault / you did something wrong, or unacceptable; You are not one of us.
The ability to subvert the harmful, long lasting effects of being rejected depends on your ability to understand the behavior of the individual who rejects, the way you choose to interpret the messages conveyed by rejection, and how you choose to integrate those messages into your sense of self.
That is right! Your response to rejection, the power it exacts, or does not exact over you is a CHOICE. I hope this article empowers you today by the knowledge that you can be completely unscathed by what is otherwise a very ego damaging experience simply by choosing not to internalize the negative message you have received. Rejection assigns blame; it is by assigning blame that the party, who is rejecting the other party, is able to feel absolved and free of any responsibility to work on the relationship or situation. “You” (what you did, who you are, or what you did not do), is the focus of rejection and the means by which the blame it assigns is expressed. This is why when counseling clients in effective communication techniques, I generally encourage them to avoid the word “YOU” when issues arise and effective and assertive communication is needed.
For anyone dealing with rejection, it is frequently not what was done, but how it was done, what was said, and how the entire situation played out that ultimately results in that sense of unworthiness. To overcome feeling rejected, you must detach yourself from these memories of your experience and instead attach yourself to the reality of your unknown potential.