Relationships: Denial, Lies and Betrayal, oh no!

“Denial may be worn like a cloak to hide a fear of intimacy or feelings of vulnerability.”~~ In DrBev’s World.  Repeated experiences of   denial, lies, and betrayal continue in our emotional life when we are in denial about our lack of awareness of  self-sabotaging behaviors.  “Our nature is to avoid emotional pain.”  We don’t want to be in emotional pain and discomfort.  A good reason ‘why’ ‘emotional pain’ is sometimes uncomfortable because taking action to change may not always feel good.

Unhappiness is discomfort, pain, avoidance, self-sabotaging behaviors and emotions.

Facing reality is important to eliminating unhappiness in all facets our lives. Facing the truth means acknowledging that we pay an emotional price every day we don’t take action to eliminate our unhappiness.

In terms of awareness we are programmed to look for the right answer.  In most cases the honest truth is that there are no “right” answers or even “good” answers.  There are only choices and consequences about unhappy relationships with yourself and others.  Love and Fear cannot reside in the same moment.

“Denial like bliss may be a wonderful feeling how be so ever both are very time consuming.”~~ In DrBev’s World

Usually our opportunities for creating happiness are squandered away in a series of moments struggling to find a solution that doesn’t hurt at all.

DrBev’s, Emotions R Us reality psychotherapy is here to save you time, pain and emotional suffering.  Be connecting emotional the dots within denial, lies, and betrayal using a foundation built on research by Authors, John W. Travis, MD, and Regina Sara Ryan,  wrote, “Because so few of us have learned to express our emotions constructively, on those occasions that negative emotions are expressed, they are often expressed in an unhealthy manner. The feelings and emotions themselves are considered bad, when what is actually “bad” is our unskillful ways of expressing them. Feelings are natural and normal. Feelings have no morality. They just are. In our attempts to deny our feelings, we turn to food, TV, alcohol, drugs, unhealthy relationships, or compulsive work patterns. We may become depressed, and so weaken our whole immune system; or literally armor ourselves against painful emotions by severely tightening our muscles–a precursor to symptoms of chronic pain and crippling disease.”

In DrBev’s World of reality psychotherapy we all have what we feel are reasonable excuses validating our beliefs for continuing behaviors that no longer serve us in a healthy way.  However, as adults we no longer have need of behaviors that are outdated and connected with other negative outdated behaviors that become patterns and, eventually become our current emotional habitual behavioral responses to our life.

The reality is we are actually in denial whenever we feel that we are hopeless and take the ‘do nothing approach’ to create a happier, healthier way of being.  Or, we may feel that we have only one choice, one solution to life’s problems and issues. Rarely does only one solution exist for a problem or issue.  

Additionally, doing nothing may appear to be the least painful of your options.   Emotionally, it is the most painful.  We feel guilty, fearful and our uncomfortable detachment from emotions leads to self-denial, lies and betrayal of our – Self.”   Which may be fundamental to many of our relationship and life problems that we are experiencing?

You are not alone these issues and emotions are real challenges that real people face in their pursuit of personal happiness. We can’t change anyone but ourselves.   Could it be that it is not the people around us that need to change; that it is US, you and me.    It is our thought process that make-up our view of our world and how we see things. 

Research shows that the pathway to real our happiness has to include a means to deal with and eliminate unhappiness that shows up in our real life situations. Take Action.

Eliminating unhappiness means taking action to go through an uncomfortable break up, or go through the uncomfortable parts of reconciliation, career change, mental and physical life changes, etc.  Any of these paths mean dealing with short term uncomfortable  emotions  that denial will push us to avoid.

Today, we can make choice to choose again. Take action.   The choice is simply, however, we know changing our self-sabotaging behaviors and negative thought processes is easier said than done.  By the time we are old enough to read these words our personality has probably adopted some self-sabotaging habits and we need some real tools.  For more information and self-knowledge click on the hyper-links listed through-out this article.   Know that when we have tools, techniques, and methods  for getting unstuck from unhappy situations and people that will give us another way to become a happy human-being.

Finally when we are unhappy we need more than advice on happiness.  DrBev encourage all of us to consider counseling from professional.  We need effective tools to deal with the unpleasant, emotions, thoughts, beliefs, and factors of denial that trap us in our own lies, self-betrayal and keep us stuck. We can choose love not fear in our lives and perceive infinite life possibilities for ourselves.   Be present now.  

Today, begin practicing being our real selves.  As for the Lies, denial and betrayals we have experienced in our life, again, we are not alone. In closing, we have the power to choose for us what we want to attract to ourselves and who we want to be.  We get to ask ourselves “Where do I begin?  

Welcome to DrBev’s World providing more examples of potential coping skills that may serve to emotional better our lives with more peace of mind/mine, endless wonderful life possibilities, love, fun happiness and joy.

Potential Coping Skill:  Know that just as suppressed feelings are not destroyed, unacknowledged feelings don’t just disappear. No matter of our age or status, unacknowledged feelings fester inside of us, robbing us of our vitality, and motivating many of our actions in ways that deny our capacity to be rational.

Beverly DrBev Jackson is a  National Certified Counselor, Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Certified Gestalt Psychotherapist and owner of DrBev Mental Health Counseling.  Services available by phone, Skype, or VIP – I come to you!!!!  Book time for your consultation today.


DrBev is a National Certified Counselor, Licensed Mental Health Counselor, and a Certified Gestalt Psychotherapist, Seminar - WorkShop Facilitator, Radio Personality, Author and President and Educational Director of DrBev Mental Health Counseling.
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One Comment

  1. Posted March 25, 2013 at 3:05 pm | Permalink

    Thanks DrBev you have done it again. This article is brilliant and the take away for me is “Take Action”. I am so grateful that you explained how we suppress our emotions and doing this causes our muscles to tense, setting ourselves up for chronic pain and debilitating diseases. I am a witness on a journey to release all negativity stored in my body. Now days I stop and cry, laugh, sing, dance or whatever needs to be expressed at that moment so my mission to be free wont be cluttered with present day negative energy because the past is hard enough to release but it can be done. Thanks again, I appreciate your dedication to mental health.

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