Real recognize Real! Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who am I?

Mirror, Mirror on the wall sometimes I might feel hater-action, irritability, or rude towards another person, when that happens I lower my opinion of them. In turn, I treat them less seriously.  DrBev, By doing this, am I ignoring the fact that they reflect my negative judgment of them? If you dare, have a peek in the mirror…the face staring back at provides the best answer for your moving forward in your life. If that doesn’t work for you look at the people closest to you as your mirror. Check yourself and understand that other people are your mirror. Recognize that people say things to you, or about you, for a reason.

Seriously, really? For Real? Yes, In DrBev’s World “Real recognize Real”! The truth is simply that other people reflect you, your emotions, your traits, even your feelings are reflected back at you from other people, especially those close to you, either through nice-nasty responses or through anticipated reactions to the emotions or feelings that you are giving-out. As edgy as this may appear, know that, any development in this area will improve your self-insight and your relations with others.

The Key to “seeing yourself” is recognizing that some little behavior of someone else’s, witnessed by you, is in fact exactly what you look like when exhibiting that same behavior. See it rather as a reflection of the person saying or commenting about things you’re not comfortable with be alert to this probability. What matters is connecting it with the times that you say the same thing to another person.

I love working with Autistic individuals because they provide the highest quality “reflections” for others’ behavior, while being personally unaware that a “mirror” exists; this has to do with their lack of inhibition and their inability to pretend. The Intellectually “challenged” more naturally reflect the signals and body language you are “sending” them.

Given enough development in identifying the source of comments about you, you will begin to see when someone is sniping at you simply because they are envious, or jealous and you can then react accordingly, instead of adopting the normal “knee-jerk” reaction you had most likely planned (and they, quite possibly, hoped to incite, to “show you up”).

According to, recognize that this person-to-person mirror is a two-way mirror. Just recognize when you do the same thing. Asking another how our words and demeanor come across to another is not something we stop and do much but it is definitely a worthwhile activity to try. People who are unwilling to reflect on how their words and actions appear to others can end up not caring about how they are viewed and in turn, this shows up as not caring about others either. They are blinded to their effect on others and have little to share because they hide within themselves.

Consider that a person whom you detest is invariably your “perfect” mirror – they are just like you. While this may seem strange or even offensive to you, experience often bears it out. The reason is that we invariably overlook behaviors in ourselves that we can’t tolerate in another. We are just locking horns with traits we haven’t yet learned to deal with well inside of ourselves.

People who are very much alike often detest each other on sight, because behavior “patterns” are ingrained, and similar, if not universal – meaning that behavioral “twins” can sense each other in the merest gesture.
Most of us have experienced the trip home, with a friend or relative, from some gathering, with the friend or relative sniping about someone they just met who has essentially exhibited no untoward behaviors; when pressed, the friend or relative is hard-pressed to explain exactly what they mean; in this case, it’s most probable that they have just encountered a “perfect” mirror.

The only way to stop this pattern is to face up to those negative aspects as belonging to you first and foremost and to stop blaming the other for your reactions. Much unconscious mirroring is happening all the time; it is more pronounced in our close relationships and we are mirroring others just as they mirror us.

Learning to see yourself as others see you is an important way of breaking this unconscious bind and injecting balance into our lives by seeking to give out the best of ourselves and to mirror back the best of others. Learning to balance mirroring takes practice, compassion, and a willingness to keep trying; in that way, not only do you learn from others but you become their positive teacher in turn.

We are always growing and changing through life, including awakening new negative aspects of ourselves that need to be dealt with!



DrBev is a National Certified Counselor, Licensed Mental Health Counselor, and a Certified Gestalt Psychotherapist, Seminar - WorkShop Facilitator, Radio Personality, Author and President and Educational Director of DrBev Mental Health Counseling.
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  1. Eleanor
    Posted June 10, 2011 at 2:44 am | Permalink

    I’m workin’ on it! I’m queen of the “knee jerk” reactions and Im constantly reminded, because I do have some insight, that the very thing that I dislike about a person, is the very thing that I dislike about myself. We’re going to keep workin’ on it…. It gets greater later!

  2. Carla
    Posted June 10, 2011 at 5:20 am | Permalink

    Great information! Thanks

  3. Angela
    Posted June 14, 2011 at 5:59 pm | Permalink

    So true Dr. Bev! When my reaction to another is strong dislike I now first stop and think, what am I seeing that I don’t like about myself? Great article!

  4. Posted June 16, 2011 at 4:20 pm | Permalink

    Dr. Bev!

    Great article. It has been my experience that the behavior that I detest in others reflect behavior that I have displayed over the years. I learned that many years ago and made many strides attempting to clean up the behavior and grow from the mistakes made.

    The past six years has proven to be quite interesting. I decided to take an introspection journey. In do so, I have learned a lot about myself and others. I chose to learn more about myself because in turn it would help me to understand those around me. This journey has allowed me to become a more compassionate, understanding, and honest person. No longer do I apologize to placate the feelings of others. No longer do I deny myself in an attempt to appease others. No longer to I beat myself over mistakes, instead I learn and grow from them.

    Keep up the good work. I look forward to seeing more from you.



  5. BSowell
    Posted June 18, 2011 at 7:08 pm | Permalink

    Love the article. I can see myself all over it. As I mature, I have learned not to be so quick to react on a situations that I have no control. In my day to day activities I encounter lots of people on different emotional levels. I make it a point to try and interact with each of them in doing so it helps me to keep in prospective who I am.

    Give me more……..


  6. Yvette
    Posted June 20, 2011 at 9:00 pm | Permalink

    We would not be able to recognize it in others if it were not in ourselves. It is like before you bought a certain brand of car you never noticed that brand. Now that you own it you see them every where. Sometimes I really don’t want to see those things but at this age I better pay attention if I am to grow. The beautiful thing about knowing and accepting this fact is we can see the good things that are reflected back to us also, and the not so good we can see as opportunities to grow. I have found it hard to explain to people just what I meant when I would tell them their mate is their mirror. Now I can point them to your article because you really brought it home in a way that everyone can understand and apply to their lives.

  7. Viv
    Posted July 7, 2011 at 10:09 pm | Permalink

    Loved this article! So, so true. Oh boy, do I remember the many times I clashed with so many people. Back then, I was so verbal, so quick to tell someone off in an instant. Then… I learned about this behavior; how we mirror each other, and I was blown away! And today, when someone rubs me the wrong way, I’m very careful not to judge, instead, because of what I’ve learned,I am much more understanding and aware that, perhaps, this person could be teaching me a valuable lesson about myself. The important thing to learn is to always be humble, and know that no one gets it right all the time; that we learn from each other and that sometimes if we hurt someone, we need to say we’re sorry. Thanks, once again, Dr. Bev!


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