FLIP-MODE: I am always right-I don’t have control issues!

I am always right, DrBev, I don’t have control issues!  But, my partner, friend, family member, co-worker… Has a strong need to be right – all the time? Acts self-centered and egotistical? Never asks for help? Expects perfection in self and others? Seldom appears vulnerable or weak? Has difficulty relaxing?  Mirror, Mirror, Mirror on the wall….I don’t have control issues, do I?

This person may suffer from what DrBev refers to as ‘FLIP-MODE‘ or in other words, they are counter-dependent. The flip side of co-dependent. Both co-dependency and counter dependency are internal defensive behaviors that shield and protect them from past wounds of abandonment. Both are Counter-Dependents and Co-Dependents are dysfunctional and their behaviors that no longer serve them are emotionally painful and time-consuming.

A counter-dependent person usually has someone co-dependent towards them in their relationship of choice. FLIP-MODE, the counter-dependent person pretends that they don’t need anyone else and have concluded that people only need them.

In general, counter-dependent behaviors result when psychological separation in their primary years fails to take place because of emotional, physical and/or sexual abuse or neglect. Individuals with counter-dependent behaviors cover up their neediness and low-self esteem by projecting an impression of calm, confidence and strength. FAKE!!! Posers!!!

Counter-dependent is characterized by controlling and self-centered behavior.  FLIP-MODE, where co-dependents cling to others, counter-dependents push them away. Counter-dependents tend to have ‘falsely exaggerated self-esteem…FLIP-MODE…co-dependents are people-pleasers, and counter-dependents are people controllers.

The good news is that anyone can become free from these patterns of behavior, by completing the uncompleted process of bonding and separation of  their inner-self; two of the most important developmental processes of childhood with a professional trained in emotional and mental health issues, such as a psychotherapist.

Remember EMOTIONS R US, DrBev suggest reading books on co-dependency and counter-dependency:

•  Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages Our Lives
The Flight from Intimacy: Healing Your Relationship of Counter-dependence – The Other Side of Co-dependency
•  Breaking Free of the Co-Dependency Trap


DrBev is a National Certified Counselor, Licensed Mental Health Counselor, and a Certified Gestalt Psychotherapist, Seminar - WorkShop Facilitator, Radio Personality, Author and President and Educational Director of DrBev Mental Health Counseling.
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  1. Laura
    Posted May 12, 2011 at 6:12 am | Permalink

    This message is right on time!! Love it!!! <3

  2. Lovey Curry
    Posted May 12, 2011 at 6:55 am | Permalink

    OMG!! ha ha this is funny .. yet sad and true … thanks Dr. Bev…

  3. Kat
    Posted May 12, 2011 at 11:49 am | Permalink

    What you trying to say there DrBev?..lol

  4. Mel
    Posted May 12, 2011 at 3:23 pm | Permalink

    awesome okay I hear you

  5. dominique...
    Posted May 12, 2011 at 5:04 pm | Permalink

    OH EMM GEE!!!… just when i thought i had “diagnosed and identified” my problems… theres more!:-)

  6. Viv
    Posted May 12, 2011 at 11:56 pm | Permalink

    Wow! I have learned about co-dependency, but never counter dependency. And the fact that both are internal defensive behaviors is very interesting. As always, you make the wheels in my mind start spinning… and I love it. Thanks to you, I’m always learning, sharing and changing. Thanks Dr. Bev!

  7. Posted May 13, 2011 at 4:41 pm | Permalink

    The video always get me lol. I think I was counter-dependent with my baby sister until about 10 years ago. It was like going through a break up when I realized I needed to stop and did stop. We continued to love through it and now we check each other with no problem. Another great Therapeutic Thursday, Dr. Bev. I am really thankful for the health and wellness knowledge that you gift us with daily. Much love!

  8. Suun
    Posted May 13, 2011 at 7:22 pm | Permalink

    LOL.. at the video clip thank goodness I don’t have friends like butter bear! LMBO…. With all these character disorders insanity seems it rules our society. There is a category box for us all to fit in for fixing… Hmm!

  9. Posted May 14, 2011 at 6:55 pm | Permalink

    Hey Dr. Bev. I thought my comment went through. I stated how I went through a similar thing with my baby sister. I was counter and she was co. It was painful to break away from that but we have an since then have been having a much better relationship. Thank you so much 🙂

  10. Stephanie
    Posted May 16, 2011 at 12:29 am | Permalink

    YIKES!!!!! Reality bites.

  11. Posted November 7, 2012 at 9:32 am | Permalink

    This actually describes a major character in the novel I’m working on! Thanks for the insight, Dr. Bev!

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