Abandonoholics: Fear of coping with life and its difficulties alone

When the fear of always being alone, or left by the people you love begins to interfere with your life, it could be fear of abandonment. Many people suffer from some form of abandonment issues, whether it is something they recognize or not.  Insecurity associated with a fear of abandonment can ruin relationships, create distance between people and prevent an individual from living a normal life.

Anyone can be diagnosed with fear of abandonment; it is not age or gender specific.  It is very prevalent in children as well, especially children who have parents who are physically present, but emotionally unavailable.  Recognizing the symptoms of a person who suffers from fear of abandonment and knowing how to cope with the condition are the first steps in determining if you or a loved one need help.  If  an individual cannot control the fear that he or she feels when faced with the idea of having to cope with life and its difficulties alone, help is needed.

Simon Hearn, Psychologist, says, “Deep down all of us want to be grown up, balanced and mature; we just don’t know how and are sometimes scared.”   The symptoms that most people who are suffering with this issue display when they are threatened with the thoughts of being alone, they will ‘ACT OUT’.  Each person will have different levels of acting out from severe to slightly altered, rather these symptoms are brought out by compulsive behaviors or just the person’s imagined fear of desertion.

Unresolved abandonment, the source of our insecurities, addictions, compulsions, and/or distress is insidious, like a virus invading our body, mind, and soul.  This is where the compulsive behaviors began, we are human and none of want to feel a level of anxiety we feel we cannot control.  So, we do whatever works for us to self-medicate with food, alcohol, shopping, religion, drugs, people, and a host of other self-defeating behaviors. abandonment unresolved is a roadblock to reaching our potential, it is an invisible wound that will drain our self-esteem, it is the hidden trap that keeps us stuck in patterns of self-sabotage. All the self-medicating and soothing words in the world will not take away the distress, disturbance and dysfunction caused by unresolved abandonment.  For that you must go beyond insight.  You  must take action. Seek help.  Find a competent psychotherapist, someone you can trust and confide.

Know this chronic insecurity becomes the curse of human relationships.  Unresolved abandonment is the internal barrier to fully connecting to others.  Fear will short-circuit our attempts to find love, we struggle to find and keep relationships.  We become abandoholics.


DrBev is a National Certified Counselor, Licensed Mental Health Counselor, and a Certified Gestalt Psychotherapist, Seminar - WorkShop Facilitator, Radio Personality, Author and President and Educational Director of DrBev Mental Health Counseling.
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