BOOTY CALL SEX – TOO SOON!!! What about Trust, Dependability, and LOVE ?

Welcome to DrBev’s World, ladies and gentlemen, let’s take this topic to a higher emotional level. No matter what your sexuality this topic applies to YOU, YOU, AND YOU 2!!!

In a previous blog, “DO YOU CHOOSE UNTRUSTWORTHY PEOPLE TO TRUST? UNDEPENDABLE PEOPLE TO DEPEND ON? UNAVAILABLE PEOPLE TO LOVE? I wrote that If you do, start learning how to be Interdependent. That is how to give your power away in conscious, healthy ways, because your self-worth is no longer dependent on outside sources.

Understand that anytime we care about somebody or something we give away some power over our feelings. It is impossible to love without giving away some power. However when we choose to love someone (or thing – a pet, a car, shoes, sex…) we are giving them or it the power to make us happy. We cannot do that without also giving them the power to hurt us or cause us to feel angry or scared.

Let’s talk about the power of “Hurt” what it feels like, what it is, and where do you go from there.  Emotional hurt’s most immediate effect feels like betrayal of trust and it  is felt in the emotional impact on the person betrayed. Generally speaking, the greater the trust that you had put in the other person and the greater the impact their betrayal has on you, then the greater the distress you will feel.

A number of different emotions may be felt upon realizing you have been betrayed. The most common is anger although, depending on the situation, you might the fear of loss of the relationship and repulsion at the lack of integrity of the other person.

What is this hurt of a BOOTY CALL sex too soon. When you are betrayed by someone, it is highly likely that you will not easily trust them again. Trust is fragile and can be lost instantly or there is a history whereby a long-earned trust may be eroded and then suddenly lost.

Where do you go from there with your emotional hurt?  The key is to be conscious of our choices and own our responsibility for the consequences. If we are not working on healing our childhood wounds and changing our childhood programming, then, we cannot begin to see ourselves clearly, let alone anything else in our life. By healing our emotional wounds and changing our intellectual programming we can start to practice discernment in our choices so that we can change our patterns of behavior and learn to trust ourselves.

As we develop healthy self-esteem based on faith, knowing that the ‘SPIRIT’ is with us and Loves us, then we can consciously take the risk of Loving, of being Interdependent, without buying into the belief that the behavior of other determines our self-worth. Don’t get it twisted. We will have feelings – we will get hurt, we will be scared, we will get angry – because those feelings are an unavoidable part of life. Feelings are a part of the human experience – feelings cannot be avoided. And trying to avoid feelings only causes us to miss out on the Joy and Love and Happiness that can also be a part of the human experiences.

Codependence is about giving away power over our own self-esteem. Taking our self-definition and self-worth from outside ourselves or from some external source, such as another person, is dysfunctional because it causes us to give power over how we feel about ourselves to people to whom we cannot control.

Anytime we give power over our self-esteem, our self-worth to someone or something outside of ourselves we are making that person or thing our “higher power.

Have you been caught in the Booty Call, Sex to Soon roll-a-coaster?  Did you forget in your moment of lust or delusion about Trust, Dependability, and or Love?  Barry White  said it best, the Icon is Love (1994), “Whatever We Had, We Had.  Listen and Learn.

About 

DrBev is a National Certified Counselor, Licensed Mental Health Counselor, and a Certified Gestalt Psychotherapist, Seminar - WorkShop Facilitator, Radio Personality, Author and President and Educational Director of DrBev Mental Health Counseling.
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This entry was posted in Emotions R Us, Relationships, Therapy Counseling and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Post a comment or leave a trackback: Trackback URL.

One Comment

  1. Posted March 4, 2011 at 1:09 am | Permalink

    booty call is always too soon in my book and demeaning

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